i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
