Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
