It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
