Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Gay?
German.
Pity.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
