Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
