whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
