Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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