thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
