I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
