seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
