Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
