I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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