I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
