Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
