I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
