Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
