You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
