we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
