She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
