Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
