doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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