the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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