what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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