guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
