The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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