I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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