Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
