with your own penis?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
