The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How drunk are you?
Completed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
