Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
