I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
