I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Who died my cat blue again?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
