I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize