have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
