My cat gives me a boner
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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