How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
