i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
