I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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