it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
