He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
