Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
