How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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