The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize