Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize