eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
