If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I pour the whiskey from now on
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
