If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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