Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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