Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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