Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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