Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
