my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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