I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize