I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
