I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
