All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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