If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
