I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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