i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
