I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
