Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
