Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
