I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I will pee on everything he values.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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