He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
