I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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