Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
