Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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