i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
