I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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