i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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