It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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