i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
