It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
