Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
