Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
