I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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